CARING FOR THE CAREGIVER

The following column, “Caring for the Caregiver”, was written by Nancy Laube, VNAIC Account Manager from the Victorville office and is reprinted from the November 24th issue of the Victorville Daily Press:

CARING FOR THE CAREGIVER
Caregivers for chronically ill loved ones often feel alone in their task, even in a large close knit family.

I was one of those caregivers for about five years to a chronically ill mother who lived with me. Often I had feelings of being alone in the situation, worn out, stretched beyond human endurance and misunderstood by other family members. In my case, I had siblings that would call to check in when I would get home from work to begin my other job of being a caregiver. They would take me to task for not calling more often and for not having my mother communicate more frequently with them.

The frustration of being the “chosen one” who not only had the responsibility of caring for my ill mother, but also had to answer to others who were not physically there, began to take its toll. Although well-meaning, the advice that I was given by the truant siblings began to create a wedge in our relationship.

Fortunately, I asked for a meeting of the minds. We had a heart-to-heart talk which included my mother. The results of that meeting brought relief for me and made my siblings feel included. During the meeting, it was discovered that while I was at work, my siblings would call and offer to help out. My mother would decline their offer with a statement that, “Nancy is taking care of everything.”

This situation is not unusual and can cause not only family friction, but can become an all-out war that drives a wedge in the family structure for years. Hard lines can be drawn in the sand if not resolved sooner than later.

Regardless of the well meaning intentions of everyone involved, often communication becomes peppered with personal agendas and the focus on the loved one is blurred by emotions and hurt feelings.

How can the situation be avoided or mended if it is already torn? Having “the talk” while everyone involved can still participate is a beginning. Always include the person who is ill if appropriate and ask what their wishes are for living arrangements, how they would like to be cared for and who would be their choice of primary caregiver. Reality plays an equally important role in having “the talk” when discussing what the loved one would like in comparison to what each person can offer. Discuss finances, what may be available if placement is needed and who will be the DPOA for medical and financial.

Seek the advice of a professional elder-care mediator if the situation has become hostile. The mediator will become the neutral person in the mix.

There is a caregivers support group, which meets at 3:30 p.m. on the first Thursday of the month at Merrill Gardens, located at 11825 Apple Valley Road in Apple Valley.

For more information, email Nancy Laube at Nancy.Laube@vna-ic.org.

GRIEVING ART FROM GRIEVING HEARTS

An exhibit of coffee mugs, hand-painted by the children of the Palm Desert Mourning Star Center, will be on sale from December to March at the Old Town Coffee Company, located at 78100 Main Street in La Quinta. Proceeds from the sale of the mugs will directly benefit the Mourning Star Center. Special thanks to the Old Town Coffee Company, the Old Town Artisan Studio, The Wine Bar and Gracie’s for their help and sponsorship of this campaign.

HUMANA STARLIGHT AWARD NOMINEE

For the first time, the VNAIC has been given the opportunity to nominate a senior volunteer who contributes to the overall quality of healthcare provided to the VNAIC’s patients by caring for them in their home or at skilled nursing facilities. This Hospice volunteer fills so many areas of patient care that the VNAIC was pleased to nominate a Coachella Valley resident to receive the Humana Starlight Award: Dee Peden. Dee has participated since 2004 as a Hospice care volunteer, looking after patients with dementia, sharing her time by holding their hands, visiting, reading or just keeping them company. “I have the pleasure of visiting patients that see me as a new friend every time I am there!”, said Dee. Dee’s spirit and compassion along with her sense of humor have resulted in a donation of over 200 hours to care for VNAIC Hospice patients. Thank you, Dee – you are invaluable!

SEND A BEAR TO CAMP!

Camp Erin is a free children’s bereavement camp operated by the Mourning Star Center, a community outreach program of the VNAIC which provides support to grieving children and those who love them. Camp Erin is held over one weekend every Summer, with children from throughout the entire Inland Empire attending. Over the course of the weekend, they take part in a variety of grief-related activities, in addition to traditional Summer camp experiences. Every child at camp receives their very own Camp Erin Bear, which is placed with a handmade quilt in their bunks. A contribution of $25 will help bring a Camp Erin Bear to one child next Summer. If you are interested in sending a bear to camp, please call the VNAIC’s Development office at 760-773-6260. For questions about Camp Erin, please call Pamela Gabbay at 760-836-0360.

FREE VETERAN EXPO IN BEAUMONT IN JANUARY

A free Veteran’s Expo will be held on Saturday, January 21, 2012 at the Beaumont Civic Center from 10 AM – 1 PM. Open to all active-duty military, veterans, family and friends; it will be a great opportunity to have questions answered and update knowledge about current benefits that are available. Attending the Expo will be representatives from Loma Linda Veteran’s Hospital, Veteran’s Affairs, Mental Health Support Services, Military Counseling, Special Service Organizations and many more. The Civic Center is located at 550 E. 6th Street in Beaumont. Refreshments will be served. For additional information, please call 951-769-8520.

VNAIC ACCOUNT MANAGER’S FATHER RETIRES AFTER 35 YEARS AS FIRE CAPTAIN

Casey Rapp, Account Manager from the VNAIC’s Murrieta office is one proud daughter…after almost 35 years of service in the Downey Fire Department, most of it spent running operations at Fire Station No. 3, her father, Capt. Bob Rapp was honored this week with a retirement party attended by city officials, including mayor Roger Brossmer, police chief Rick Esteves, fire chief Lonnie Croom, and by his other colleagues and staff.A highlight was the presentation of his retirement badge. Son Aaron and daughter Casey witnessed their dad hold back tears when his turn came to acknowledge the congratulations and best wishes of those present. Rapp, who was born in Long Beach, initially thought he wanted to become a police officer. Four weeks in the LAPD Police Academy convinced him that police work was not for him. “After I quit,” he says, “I had no job. I had no career to speak of.” His mom was happy, though, about his decision, he says, but his dad was not. He had earlier worked his way through Cal State Los Angeles, working the graveyard shift on Friday and Saturday nights, and working full-time in the summer, at a glass factory in Gardena, making 5-gallon bottles for Sparkletts. He graduated with a BS degree in police administration. It so happened that his mom had a friend, a fire captain with the Long Beach Fire Department. “I spent a shift with him,” Rapp says, “and I was hooked on the fire service. I took fire science classes at Long Beach City College, and started testing [for possible job openings].” In the meantime, he says, he applied for a position with Signal Oil and Gas in the oil fields. “It was supposed to be only a two-week affair,” he says, “but they liked my abilities with a shovel and hired me full-time. I worked there for four years on a maintenance crew with two other guys. This got me ready for the fire service.” “I was hired by the Downey Fire Department on May 9, 1977,” he continued. “To this day I still appreciate my job as a fireman, as compared to working in the oil fields.” In his nearly 35 years with Downey Fire, Rapp fondly remembers the time spent traveling around the country with two other firemen checking out, testing, and delivering rigs ordered by the department. Pre-9-11, he says they would drive the rigs (engine company and ladder company) being outfitted back and forth from, say, Florida or from Pennsylvania or from Appleton, Wisconsin to such places as New York, New Orleans, Alabama. This routine started in 1988 and was to be repeated in selected years after that. Thus, Rapp says, for such significant pieces of equipment obtained at such significant costs, they had to be carefully “nurtured” and delivered intact and whole to Downey. This routine was to change post-9-11 when the delivery policy required the manufacturers’ own drivers to drive the rigs themselves to their destinations. “I’ve loved this job,” he says, “and I know I’ll miss everything that goes with it. It’s exciting, especially when you go to fight fires. In the past, we used to go to Lynwood, to South Gate, to Montebello, to Santa Fe Springs, with sirens wailing, eager to save property or whatever. It is truly the greatest job in the world. In this job, where there is so much to learn, every situation is different. When you go our on a call, you have to use pure common sense, always prepared for anything that might come up because you see people at their best and at their worst.” Divorced in 1989, Rapp says he got custody of his two kids and, moving to Temecula, “I raised both of them.” Aaron, a Cal State San Marcos graduate, works for a fire equipment maintenance facility in Escondido, and, good with computers, “still wants to be a fireman.” Casey lives in nearby Murrietta and works for the home health care and hospice company, Visiting Nurse Association of the Inland Counties. “They’re good-hearted kids, both independent-minded,” he says. As much as he loved his job, Rapp says he also welcomes retirement. His hobbies and interests have always included playing golf, working in the house, woodworking, visiting his sisters (Nancy Hanna lives in Arizona, while Chris Curry lives in Templeton, Calif.), and traveling in general. A brother died several years ago. Rapp says his two regular shift associates, fire engineer Kevin Kim and fireman Kerri Nony, are “two of the most hard-working, helpful, conscientious associates” he has worked with, and he has no doubt that his replacement, Capt. Sal Piscitelli, would “do just fine.”

VNAIC AND HOSPICE OF THE DESERT COMMUNITIES TO HOLD BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT GROUP IN YUCCA VALLEY

The VNAIC’s Yucca Valley Hospice in conjunction with Hospice of the Desert Communities will be starting a five week bereavement education and support group beginning January 9, 2012. The goal of this grouup is to assist any grieving person in coping with the painful experience often faced following the death of a loved one. This group is a place where you can meet others who have experienced the death of a loved one. The grieving process and ways to cope with your feelings of grief and loss of your loved one as well as your daily life will be discussed. it is a safe place to share your feelings and be supported by members of the group. Upcoming dates and topics: 1/9 – Understanding the Grief Experience; 1/16 – Handling the Difficult Emotions of Grief & Caring for the Whole Self; 1/23 – Remembering the Person Who Died & Making Needed Adjustments; 1/30 – Managing the Stress of Change & Preparing for Special Occasions; 2/6 – Finding Meaning After Loss. The times for all meetings will be 10 AM – 11 AM; meetings will be held at the VNAIC office located at 56300 Twentynine Palms Hwy, Suite 105, in Yucca Valley. To enroll in the Grief Support Group or for additional information, please contact Mark Jueschke, Bereavement Coordinator at the VNAIC at 760-228-2214 or James Sherman, Bereavement Coordinator at Hospice of the Desert Communities at 760-323-6642.

VNAIC VICTORVILLE ACCOUNT MANAGER’S CAROLING BRINGS SMILES

VNAIC Victorville office Account Manager Nancy Laube along with members of Heritage Medical Group are shown caroling for patients and residents at Victor Valley Hospital and Sierra Vista Retirement Center in Victorville on a recent stop to both locations to brighten everyone’s day with great Holiday selections. Thanks to all for taking time out to make everyone smile!

VNAIC TO HOST OPEN HOUSE OF NEW WELLNESS CENTER AT THE CHATEAU AT HARVESTON IN TEMECULA

The VNAIC’s Murrieta office will be holding an open house for the new on-site Wellness Center at The Chateau at Harveston in Temecula on January 14, 2012 from 10 AM to 2 PM, with group tours being held at 11:00 AM and 2:30 PM. The Wellness Center focuses on health, prevention and education for healthy senior living; the education will be provided by an LVN and Physical Therapist from the VNAIC. It will be a great opportunity for residents and their families to speak with either the VNAIC or Hope Caregiving, who will also be on hand, to answer any questions. The event is headed up by VNAIC Murrieta office Account Manager Casey Rapp who will also be in attendance and will have information on the extensive selection of home health, palliative and hospice care options that the VNAIC has to offer. Food and drinks will be provided and there will also be raffle drawings. The Chateau at Harveston is located at 40024 Harveston Drive in Temecula; please call 951-308-9200 to RSVP for this important event.

VICTORVILLE VNAIC PARTNERS WITH HOME INSTEAD TO PROVIDE GIFTS TO SENIORS

The VNAIC’s Victorville office has partnered with the local Home Instead office to provide holiday gifts to seniors who have been forgotten or have no family to care for them. Many non-profit agencies provided their lists of names and suggested gift items, then gift tags are written for each recipient with the code that identifies their seniors. Gifts are purchased and returned to be distributed by the staff who deliver them for the next two weeks to each senior who had a tag. After 5 years, the program has proven to be an expression of a caring and compassionate community. For more information, call Karen Mourhess at the VNAIC’s Victorville office at 760-962-1966.